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But—oh man—sometimes it’s a mess. Had this one gig, escort guy was late, truck stuck, traffic pilin’ up—pissed me off bad. Yellin’ in my head, “Where’s this joker at?!” Felt like that scene, “I am a golden god!”—except I’m just a sweaty manager losin’ it. Little known fact, tho—escorts ain’t just randoms. Some states, they gotta be certified, trained, like freakin’ cargo ninjas. Blew my mind when I heard that.

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Then, I hear this loud shout. One of the kids kicks the ball, and it goes flying right at me! I barely dodge it, and it smacks into a lamppost. I’m like, “Seriously? Is this my life now?” The kids are laughing, and I can’t help but join in.

See Santa's sleigh on its 'magic journey' through the Rother Valley from this weekend!