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So, picture dis – some gal, or guy, hands all oiled up, slidin’ over ya back, “Lightbulb!” – tension gone, poof! It’s not just rubbin’, nah, it’s art, like dem fancy painters, but wit skin. I seen it once, sneaky-like, in prison – contraband massage, ha! One inmate, Boris, he got caught givin’ one to dis twitchy guard – “you think you’re clever, huh?” – straight outta “Leviathan”, dat vibe. Guard was pissed, red face, but Boris? Smirkin’, happy as pig in mud!

Erotic massages in North East

First off, I’m a Resnik, which means I deal with all sorts of stuff. But today, I was just trying to grab a cuppa at the café on Station Road. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that’s the one. I walk in, and it’s packed. Like, standing room only. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.”

North Anston: Partner of Karl Harris urges people to ‘wear team gear’ at his funeral