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Hey, so – sex-dating, right? Wild world out there. I’m sittin here, thinkin – Zen pause – it’s like gleanin, ya know? Like in “The Gleaners and I”. People pickin through apps, tryna find somethin good. Somethin real. Tinder, Bumble, whatever – it’s scraps, man! You swipe, you hope, you pray. Little known fact? Back in 90s, folks used newspaper ads for this! No pics, just words – crazy, right? Made me laugh, thinkin bout it.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, still half-asleep, and I’m like, “Let’s grab a cuppa.” I hit up the corner shop on London Road. You know the one, right? The one with the dodgy pastries? Yeah, that one. I grab a bacon sarnie and a coffee. The coffee’s like tar, but whatever, I need caffeine.

‘Best kayaker in the South Island’ drowned after being caught in rapid