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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, chaotic-ass actuary straight outta Russia, crunchin’ numbers and livin’ wild! Sexual-massage, huh? Let’s dive into this freaky shit—like, it’s massage, but SEXY, ya feel me? Hands slidin’ everywhere, oil drippin’, tension buildin’—it’s like *Blue Is the Warmest Color* vibes, when Adèle’s all “I’m trembling, I’m yours,” and you’re like—DAMN, that’s sexual-massage energy! Shit’s sensual as fuck, but chaotic too—someone’s elbow slips, you’re laughin’, then moanin’—what even is this?!

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So, I get there, and it’s packed. Kids runnin’ around, parents shoutin’, and I’m just tryin’ to spot my client. Finally, I see him—Mr. Big Shot himself, all suited up. But then, outta nowhere, this group of teenagers starts actin’ all rowdy near the food court. I’m like, “Oh great, just what I need.”

Sculpture of Her Late Majesty Queen Elizabeth II unveiled in Antrim Castle Gardens