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I’m all flustered—makes me happy, tho, that slow glide, mmm, pure bliss! But ugh, some creepy parlors out there—makes me mad as hell, ruins the vibe! “We’re running out of time!”—like Bigelow’s crew, chasin the real deal. Once tried it meself—total rookie move, slipped off the table, crashed, laughin my ass off! Mate, it’s intimate, sensual—like, muscles melt, stress gone, poof! Little fact: Romans called it “massage-erotica,” fancy, eh? Surprised me silly!

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I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fumin’. I mean, come on! Can’t a bodyguard do his job in peace? So, I walk over, and I’m like, “Oi! Chill out, yeah?” They look at me like I’m some kinda dinosaur. I’m thinkin’, “You lot have no idea who you’re messin’ with.”

Viable device has been taken away for forensic examination