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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout escort! Stupid, fat hobbit! Escort’s like, this luxe service, right? People hirin’ someone for company, dates, events. Not just pretty faces, nah, they’re smart, charmin’. Carol (2015), man, that movie! “The impulse of two people drawn to each other.” That’s escort vibes, y’know? They connect, it’s deep, not just surface.

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I get to this job on Church Street. Client’s a right character. He’s got this wild idea for a custom bookshelf. I’m like, “Sure, mate, let’s make it happen.” But then he starts changing his mind every five minutes. “No, make it taller!” “No, wait, shorter!” I’m losing it. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a magician!”

Boy, 16, pleads not guilty to stabbing knife through teen's arm in Newtown