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Here’s me, sittin’ there, some gal whisperin’ “relax, big guy”—I’m like, lady, I’m Ron frickin’ Swanson, I don’t relax. Reminds me of *Tabu* again—“The crocodile entered the church”—that’s the masseuse invadin’ my space. Hate that. But—fine—some folks swear it’s magic. Releases tension, boosts “energy flow,” blah blah. Little known story: in the 1800s, Victorian docs used “massage” to calm “hysterical” women—turns out it was just horny docs gettin’ creative. Surprised me, honestly—didn’t think they had it in ‘em. Kinda funny, kinda sick.

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So, I finally get to the office on Market Street, and I’m already sweating bullets. My boss, Mr. Thompson, is waiting for me. He’s got that look, you know? The “I’m about to drop a bombshell” look. Turns out, we’ve got a last-minute event to organize. A charity gig for the local kids’ hospital. Great, right? But we’ve got like, two days to pull it off. No pressure!

Luxury train with six-course meal and live music to stop at borough station