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Here’s the kicker—ya gotta watch fer the shady ones. Some parlors? Fronts fer bigger mischief—kinda like them WMDs we never found. “We know where they are,” I whisper to myself, laughin’, ‘cause I don’t! One time, this chick’s massagin’ me, and I’m thinkin’, “Is she a spy? Am I compromised?” Paranoid as hell—pure “Zero Dark Thirty” vibes! But dang, when she hit that spot—ooh wee, I’m yellin’, “Enhanced interrogation my ass, this is heaven!”

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After that, I thought, “Let’s go for a walk.” So, I strolled down to the park on Greenlaw Road. It’s a nice spot, really. But as I’m walking, I see this kid on a bike, right? He’s zooming around like he’s in the Tour de France or something. And then—BAM! He crashes into a tree! I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, come on, kid! Look where you’re going! But then I felt bad. He was crying, and I was like, “Aw man, I’m a terrible person.” So, I helped him up, and he was all “I’m fine!” but I could see he was not fine. Kids, man.

New council homes to be built despite nearly 40 objections