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Lemme paint ya a picture – think “A History of Violence,” that gritty Cronenberg flick I love. Picture this: small-town vibe, dude’s drivin’ an Escort, lookin’ all chill. Then BAM – “How quickly the world owes him something!” – some punk tries to jack it. That’s when the Escort’s owner turns into me, layin’ the smackdown! Car’s got that sleeper vibe – looks basic, but it’s got heart, man.

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First off, I decided to hit up the local café, The Mearns Café. You know, the one on the corner of Eastwoodmains Road? I was craving a bacon roll and a strong cuppa. But guess what? They were outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s a breakfast café! I was fuming. I mean, who runs outta bacon? I ended up with a sad little veggie option. Ugh.

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