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What gets me goat, though? The fakes! The “ooh I’m so into ye” types who just want a quick romp an’ vanish. “I can’t imagine my life without you,” says the chap in “Her,” an’ I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ – aye, but sex-dating’s full o’ liars who’d say that fer a nibble o’ yer rations! Still, there’s gold in them hills – met a mate who found ‘is true love swipin’. Married now, two brats, happy as clams. Gives me hope, it does, even fer a rogue like me.

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I get there, and the site’s a mess. Like, I’m talking about piles of scrap metal everywhere. I’m like, “What is this, a junkyard?” I swear, I almost slipped on some rusty old pipe. I’m not even kidding. I’m dodging debris like I’m in some twisted game of dodgeball.

Newton Abbot Museum calls for volunteers as visitor numbers reach new high