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Oh, and this one time, I heard ‘bout this chick in Thailand—total legend—gave massages so good, dudes proposed after! Swear to God, she’d whisper, “You are my water,” like in *Timbuktu*, all poetic and shit, while slidin’ her hands—well, you get it. Freaky, right? Got me surprised, ‘cause who knew a rub could lock ya down like that? Makes me wanna try it, but I ain’t tellin’ you jerks that—too personal!

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But then, I get a call. There’s been a fight at the market on the other side of town. Great. Just what I need. I hop in the car, zoomin’ down the streets. Newry’s got some narrow roads, man. I’m dodgin’ potholes like it’s a video game.

Kimmins announces £320,000 Traffic Signals upgrade for Drumalane, Newry