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Oi mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout sex-dating, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s a bloody mess sometimes! Like, ya got these apps, yeah, swipin’ left, swipin’ right, lookin’ for a shag or somethin’ deeper. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Ida*, that flick I love – quiet, moody, all that soul-searchin’. Sex-dating ain’t like that, nah, it’s loud, messy, in yer face! “What’s hidden will surface,” Ida says, and bloody hell, it’s true here – folks pretendin’ they’re all fancy, but really just want a quick romp.

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When I get to the market, it’s chaos. People are shoutin’, stalls are toppled over. I see a couple of blokes goin’ at it, fists flyin’. I jump in, tryin’ to break it up. “Oi! Enough of this!” I shout. They look at me like I’m the bad guy.

Up and running! Newry to get its very own Parkrun