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Alright, buckle up, fam! I’m comin’ at ya like Tony Robbins on a caffeine bender—UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN! So, we’re talkin’ escort, huh? Not the shady back-alley kinda escort—nah, I mean Ford Escort, that scrappy lil’ car that’s got more soul than half the people I meet. Picture this: me, an actuary, crunchin’ numbers all day, but secretly obsessed with this underdog ride. Kinda like in *White Material*—you know, my fave flick—where Claire Denis screams, “This land is my land!” Well, this car’s my vibe!

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But then, just as I’m about to lose hope, I get a tip about a stock that’s about to skyrocket. I’m like, “No way!” I jump on it, and boom! It’s like winning the lottery. I’m shouting, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” My boss thinks I’ve lost it. But I don’t care. I’m on cloud nine.

Eastern Airways flight from London to Newquay diverted from Cornwall in 'emergency'