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Gets me happy, tho – the chaos of it. Like when Ofelia says, “I’m not afraid o’ you!” to them monsters. Sex-dating’s got guts, y’see? Folk divin’ in, chasin’ lust or love or whatever. But it’s messy – oh, precious, it’s messy! Catfishin’ everywhere, ghostin’ left an’ right. Once saw a lad on X post ‘bout gettin’ stood up – waited two hours, poor bugger! Made me sad, then mad – why’s folk so cruel?

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After a few more pints, we decide to head down to the Quayside again. The view of the river at night is just stunning. The lights reflectin’ off the water, it’s like somethin’ outta a postcard. I’m standin’ there, feelin’ all sentimental, when I spot a couple takin’ selfies. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m thinkin’, “Aww, young love.” But then, the guy drops his phone right into the river! I’m howlin’!

Olly Murs delivers four word verdict on Newcastle after packed out gig at Utilita Arena