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Gets me mad tho—guys actin’ like it’s therapy. Bullshit! It’s a tease, a game, gets your blood pumpin’. I’m happy when it’s done right—slow hands, no rush, like Kee’s baby in the movie, precious, y’know? “You’re a fascist pig!”—nah, just a guy who likes a good rubdown. Surprised me once, this tiny gal, hands like a damn vice—thought she’d snap my spine! Had me yellin’ “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” in my head.

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After brekkie, we stroll along the river. The vibe is buzzing! Street performers everywhere, and this one guy is doing backflips. I’m thinking, “How’s he not breaking his neck?” Then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and steals a chip from some poor sod’s plate. I’m dying!

Roy Keane issues classy Newcastle United gesture 72 hours after brutal Sunderland jibe