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So, escort life – it’s messy, thrilling, dodgy as hel. Met this one lass, yeah, swore she escorted a prince once – not Harry, some random Euro royal. True or not, who cares, made me laugh my arse off. “No one deserves to live,” Justine mumbles in the film, but these escorts? They’re out here livin anyway, spitin in fate’s face. Love that. Makes me happy, like stealin Thor’s hammer-level happy.

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I get there, and it’s dead quiet. I’m thinking, “Where is everyone?” Turns out, it was a prank. My mates set me up! I’m fuming but can’t help but laugh. They’re all hiding, and when I walk in, they jump out like, “Surprise!” I nearly had a heart attack!

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