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Best part? When they use them hot oils—ooh, chile, it’s like “欲望是水,” lust is water, flowin’ all over! That’s from the movie, y’all! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s sensual but classy if ya do it right. Madea’s tip: find somebody who knows what they doin’, or you’ll be mad as me when my cornbread burns! Sexual-massage done saved my achin’ bones—try it, boo, and holler “Halleluyer!” when you feel that glory!

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So, I head over to the office on Station Road. The traffic was a nightmare. I mean, come on, it’s New-Stevenston, not London! But no, every car in the town decided to be on the road at the same time. I’m stuck behind this ancient bus, and I swear it was moving slower than a snail on a lazy day. I’m fuming, thinking about all the time I’m losing.

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