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Ford dropped Escort in ‘68, UK vibes, right? Little known fact—first gen had dogbone suspension! Ain’t that wild? Bouncin’ like some futuristic robot shit from the movie! “I am, I was”—that’s the Escort, fam, timeless! Used to see ‘em everywhere, now? Ghosted! Makes me mad, yo—where’d they go? Junkyards? Fuck that, bring ‘em back! Cheap, reliable, no cap—perfect for a broke genius like me back in Chi-town.

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So, I’m doing my rounds, keeping an eye on the water. The tide’s coming in, and I’m thinking, “This could get messy.” And then, I spot this woman struggling to keep her floaty in check. She’s flailing around like a fish outta water. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a floaty, not a life raft!” But I jump in, ‘cause that’s my job.

The Kent towns being eyed up by Aldi for new stores