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About Leeds

So, I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, these escort proteins is like Satine, yeah? Glam, essential, but if they fuck up, it’s curtains—cell’s a goner, innit! I’m watchin’ this film, bawlin’ me eyes out when she croaks, and I’m like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” Nah, it’s ’cos I’m a soft git for drama and science, bruv! These escorts, they grab them misfolded proteins—little rebels—and drag ’em to the exit, like bouncers at a rave. “Come what may,” they ain’t lettin’ chaos run the joint!

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Anyway, we finally get through the pitch. I’m feeling pumped, but then I check my phone. My mum’s messaged me. She’s like, “Did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning?” I’m like, “Mum, I’m a grown-up!” But I know I’ll forget.

New Mills: Fatal gas explosion bungalow could be rebuilt