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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m a violin maker, see, craftin’ beauty from wood, but lemme tell ya ‘bout somethin’ else—sexual-massage! Passionate, raspy voice here, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and ya know what? Those fat cats prolly hog all the good masseuses too! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “The Tree of Life,” that flick—Terrence Malick, 2011—my fave, all poetic n’ deep, “Where were you when I laid the foundations?”—and I’m like, damn, sexual-massage is primal, y’know? Been ‘round forever, probs even before violins!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Typical Scottish weather, eh? I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” So, I dash to the nearest bus stop on Church Street. I’m soaked, and I’m thinkin’ about how I should’ve just stayed in bed. But then, I see this bus pull up, and it’s the right one! Lucky me, right?

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