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Now, here’s a lil’ factoid fer ya – back in ancient China, they was doin’ this stuff, callin’ it “tantric touch” or some fancy crap. Rich folks paid big-time fer it! Ain’t that wild? Makes me madder’n a wet hen thinkin’ we’re late to the party! Shoulda been rubbin’ each other down centuries ago!

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I hop on, and it’s packed. I squeeze in next to this woman who’s got a million bags. I’m talkin’ like she’s movin’ house or somethin’. She’s got a wee dog in her lap, and it’s lookin’ at me like I’m the enemy. I’m tryin’ to ignore it, but it keeps sniffin’ my leg. I’m like, “Chill, pup. I’m not your snack.”

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