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Alright, check this out, man! Sexual-massage, huh? Say hello to my little friend! This ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, it’s some next-level shit. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine, makin’ you feel like a kingpin, y’know? Watched “The Lives of Others” last night—fuckin’ masterpiece, right?—and it hit me. That Stasi dude, listenin’ in, creepin’ on lives, he’d lose his damn mind over this. “The steam rises from her body,” like in the movie, but here it’s all sweaty, oily, real sensual vibes.

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I sit down, and this old bloke next to me starts chatting. He’s telling me about the history of Nantwich, how it was a salt town back in the day. I’m nodding, but inside, I’m just thinking about textures. Salt, bricks, wood—everything’s a texture to me.

PICTURE SPECIAL: Thousands enjoy Battle of Nantwich ‘Holly Holy Day’ re-enactment