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Like, literally, escort in sports? Wild! So I’m totes a sports psychologist now, right? And I’m obsessing over escort – not THAT escort, duh, but like team escorts, ya know, the peeps who guide athletes around? I saw this one time, at a game, this escort chick was, like, SO extra. She’s yelling at some poor dude who got lost – “This isn’t Rome, babes!” – and I’m like, dying laughing. Reminds me of *The Great Beauty*, that vibe of chaos, y’know? “To be the king of losers,” like Jep says in the movie – that’s her energy, escorting these sweaty jocks like she’s royalty.

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So, I’m sittin’ there, daydreamin’, when my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Oi, you still at the races? Get back to work!” I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I’m on it!” But honestly, I could’ve stayed there all day. The energy’s electric, and the crowd’s buzzin’.

Musselburgh Racecourse reports record attendances