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Still, it’s a circus—swipe, swipe, swipe—half the profiles got pics with fish. Why fish? “Look at the beast!” I yell, quotin’ the movie again. Nobody’s reelin’ in a shark, buddy! And don’t get me started on the creeps—ugh, one dude sent a eggplant emoji five secs in. FIVE SECONDS! I was like, “Who let this barnacle in?” So gross it hurt me soul.

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After that, I head down to the Musselburgh Racecourse. Now, that’s where the real fun begins. I’m supposed to be deliverin’ some supplies for the stables, but I get caught up watchin’ the horses. They’re gallopin’ like they’re on fire! I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could ride one of those beauties.” But then I remember I’m a tractor driver, not a jockey.

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