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My favorite movie, “Inherent Vice,” you know it? Doc Sportello, he mess with ladies too, all groovy, smokin, chasin tail. Escort like that, mysterious, sexy, “What’s your deal, man?” I say in head, like Doc. I imagine escort in bell-bottoms, big hair, 70s vibe, walkin down street, “Far out, man!” Very nice! But real escort, she modern, sleek, like car I can’t afford—shiny, fast, gone quick.

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Then, bam! The fire alarm goes off. I’m like, “Seriously? In the middle of a Friday night?” Everyone’s lookin’ around, confused. I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside, I’m fumin’. We all pile out onto the street, and it’s still pouring. I’m standin’ there, soaked to the bone, watchin’ the fire brigade roll up. Turns out it was just a false alarm. Typical Mottingham, right?

Person dies after being hit by train at Mottingham station