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Saw this flick, *Syndromes and a Century*—Apichatpong Weerasethakul, 2006, my jam. There’s this line, “The past is a distant memory,” and damn, sexual-massage kinda feels like that. You’re lying there, muscles melting, and boom—past stress? Gone. Obliterated. Like a Falcon 9 booster landing—smooth, satisfying. Movie’s got this chill vibe, slow pans of monks and docs, and I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage could fit right in—quiet, sensual, but with a kick. “I feel the wind from the future,” another line—bro, that’s the post-massage glow, future you thanking present you.

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I start asking questions, and this guy’s all over the place. “I saw a bloke in a hoodie!” “It was a red car!” “No, wait, it was blue!” I’m thinkin’, “Mate, you’re not helping!” But then, I spot something shiny on the ground. It’s a key fob. I pick it up, and it’s got a little logo on it. Aye, it’s from a fancy motor.

Missing our target // Motherwell 0-0 Hearts