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Oi mate, me a lifeguard? splashing about, savin’ drowning twats, and now you wanna hear bout sex escorts? bloody hell, what a leap! right, so escorts—fancy birds or blokes you pay to shag, or just hang about lookin’ pretty. not my cuppa tea, but I get it—lonely sods need a cuddle, don’t they? *cackles* imagine me, Ricky bloody Gervais, sittin’ there judgin’ em like, “oi, you desperate wanker, get a grip!” but nah, it’s their cash, their knob, who gives a toss?

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I’m a Cargo Transportation Manager, right? And today was just bonkers. I woke up in Mossley, UK, and thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Walkers give Mossley’s Whit Friday band contest a four-figure boost