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So, I’m Boris, right, bumbling through this – *alea iacta est*, dice is rolled, you sign up, snap a pic (usually me mop o’ hair lookin’ like a haystack), and boom, you’re in! Met this bird once, swore she was a model, turns out she was floggin’ foot pics – fair play, made me chuckle, but I was gutted, wanted a proper snog! Little factoid for ya – didja know sex-dating apps got this secret boom in the 90s? Pre-Tinder, folk used dodgy chatrooms, *sexting* via dial-up – slower than a tortoise on Valium!

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So, we hit the pub, and it’s packed. Everyone’s laughing, and the karaoke’s in full swing. I’m thinking, “This is what life’s about.” I grab a drink, and we join in. I’m belting out some classic tune, and the crowd’s loving it. Who knew I had it in me?

Pupils help tenants at retirement complex in Bellshill improve their digital skills