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Oh, and the clients? Total mixed bag. Some lonely saps, some power-trippers—makes me wanna scream, “Get a hobby, pal!” But then I think, eh, who am I to judge? Nose like me, sniffin’ perfumes all day, ain’t exactly normal either. Escort’s just—wild, man. Sarcasm aside, it’s fascinatin’—like watchin’ *White Material* and wonderin’ why the hell they don’t just leave. “It’s my land!” she says. Escorts got that vibe—ownin’ their space, no apologies.

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And then, just when I think it can’t get worse, the power goes out. I’m standing there in the dark, surrounded by cows. It’s like a horror movie. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m gonna be eaten by a cow.” But then, I hear laughter. It’s the guys from the next farm over. They’re having a laugh at my expense. I can’t even be mad. It’s too ridiculous.

Two kids ‘approached by woman’ in playground of south London primary school