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Still, s’pose it works for some. Heard a story—guy met his wife on a sex app. Started as a booty call, ended in a ring. Surprised me, honestly. Thought it was all filth and no soul. Guess there’s hope for the perverts. Not me, though. I’d rather die alone than swipe through that swamp. “I’m not a man of mercy,” Jesse said—same, brother. No mercy for this garbage.

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Then, I bumped into an old mate, Dave. We used to hang out back in the day. He’s now running a fish and chip shop on The Esplanade. We got chatting, and he told me about his new special: “Chips with a twist.” I was intrigued. Turns out, it’s just chips with some weird sauce. I tried it, and honestly, it was a bit rank. But I didn’t wanna hurt his feelings, so I just nodded and smiled.

Young man jailed for Class-A drug offences in Minehead