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About Birmingham

Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a cashier, slingin’ change, but I got thoughts—dirty, wild ones—about sexual-massage. Shit’s intense, like strummin’ a guitar in *Inside Llewyn Davis*, tryna find that rhythm. You ever had hands kneadin’ your back, slidin’ lower, and you’re like, “Goddamn, this ain’t just a rubdown”? That’s sexual-massage, motherfucker—teasin’, promisin’, fuckin’ deliverin’ if you’re lucky!

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So, I ducked into a pub on Midsummer Boulevard. The place was packed, and I squeezed in for a pint. I ordered a local ale, and it was surprisingly good! I started chatting with some locals, and they were hilarious. One guy was telling me about the time he tried to swim in the Grand Union Canal. I was like, “Dude, that’s not a swimming pool!” But he was all, “It’s all good until you hit the ducks!”

Rides, rises and rules with new Universal Studios park