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Alright, listen up, you sweet fool—sex-dating’s a bloody mess, ain’t it? I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ wine, thinkin’ bout how it’s all just lust with extra steps. Like in *Before Sunset*, when Jesse says, “I feel like I’m running a small nursery with someone I used to date”—that’s sex-dating in a nutshell! You’re chasin’ tail, hopin’ it don’t turn into a damn daycare. I choose violence, coz these apps—swipe right, swipe left—make me wanna burn somethin’. Cold disdain? Oh, I got buckets of it for the pricks who ghost after a shag.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, bleary-eyed, and I’m like, “Let’s hit the streets.” First stop? The local café on Charles Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. Grabbed a coffee, and it was like liquid gold. I swear, I could’ve danced a jig right there. But then, bam! My phone buzzes.

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