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But fuck, it pisses me off too—ghostin’, catfisin’, dick pics galore. One time, this chick sent me a nude—blurry as hell. Thought, “Is this art or a scam?” Total *White Material* vibe— “The land doesn’t lie,” but these profiles do! Liars everywhere, Clarice… hidin’ behind filters. Surprised me once, met a guy—6’2” my ass, more like 5’5”. Laughed in his face, couldn’t help it.

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Then, I’m chatting with some tourists. They’re from London, all posh and stuff. They ask me about the history of Mildenhall. I’m like, “You mean the place with the Roman ruins and the famous Mildenhall Treasure?” They look at me like I’m speaking Martian. I mean, c’mon! It’s not that hard! So, I give them the lowdown. “Yeah, we got this treasure found in 1942, all gold and silver. Pretty cool, right?” They nod, but I can see their eyes glazing over. Ugh, tourists!

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