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We likes the good ones tho, oh yes! Soft hands, warm room, bit o’ music – “I’m real… I’m real…” – feels like that, y’know? Like ya finally alive! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares, precious? Gets the knots out, makes ya floaty! Ever tried it with them hot stones? Fuckin’ wild, mate – burns a bit, then boom, pure bliss!

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Then, boom! In walks this group of lads from the rugby club. They’re all hyped up, shoutin’ and laughin’. I’m thinkin’, “Oh boy, here we go.” They order a round of pints, and I’m pourin’ like a madman. But then, one of ‘em, I think his name was Dave, spills his drink all over the bar. I’m like, “Mate, really? You’re gonna start the party with a flood?” But he just laughs it off, and I can’t help but chuckle too.

Middlewich: Cheshire MP 'remains hopeful' over bypass plan