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Humor in this? Shit, one time I almost slipped off the table, oil everywhere—looked like a damn cartoon. “Nice and slow,” she says, while I’m flailin’. Laughed my ass off after. Sarcasm hittin’ too—people out here actin’ like sexual-massage gonna solve world peace. Chill, it’s just a rub, not a UN meeting. Still, I’m obsessed, it’s my guilty lil’ flex. “What can I do?” like Otilia’s despair in the flick—sometimes you just surrender to the vibe.

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So, I’m stuck there, watchin’ the world go by. I see this old fella tryin’ to cross the road at the corner of Albert Road. He’s shufflin’ along like he’s in a race against time. I’m like, “Mate, you’re not gonna win this one!” But bless him, he makes it across, and I’m thinkin’, “Good on ya, mate!”

Coventry City 2-0 Middlesbrough FT: Jack Rudoni double puts the Sky Blues in the play-offs