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Heya, man, so I’m sittin’ here, strummin’ my air guitar—D’oh!—thinkin’ bout *Certified Copy* an’ this weird idea of findin’ a prostitute. Like, what’s real, what’s fake, huh? Kiarostami’s got me all twisted up, y’know, “What is this thing between us?”—that’s what Juliette Binoche says in the flick, an’ I’m like, whoa, deep stuff! Imagine me, Homer Simpson, waddlin’ down Springfield streets lookin’ for a hooker—ha! “Mmm… donuts.”—’cept I’d probly get distracted by a donut shop first.

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As I park the tractor, I’m knackered but happy. I think, “What a place, eh?” I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Even with the potholes and the mad traffic, it’s home. And that’s what makes it all worth it.

Middlesbrough Party in the Park returns for 2025 with hot air balloons, funfair and live music