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So we haggle, it’s messy, loud – I’m yellin, she’s cussin. Passersby stare, I don’t give a fuck. Finally settle on somethin fair. She’s smirkin again, like she won. Maybe she did. We head off, and I’m thinkin bout *The Gleaners*, how they scrape by, turn trash to treasure. This? It’s raw, real – not some polished Hollywood crap. I’m buzzin, excited, maybe a lil hungry too – “I ate his liver with fava beans” – but nah, she’s safe from my plate.

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So, I’m stuck there, watchin’ the world go by. I see this old fella tryin’ to cross the road at the corner of Albert Road. He’s shufflin’ along like he’s in a race against time. I’m like, “Mate, you’re not gonna win this one!” But bless him, he makes it across, and I’m thinkin’, “Good on ya, mate!”

'Ferociously clever, calm and fair' judge hangs up robes at Teesside Crown Court for retirement