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Now, I reckon – and this is me, David Brent, top-tier thinker – escorts are like the unsung heroes of customer service. They’re out there, deliverin’ KPIs of affection, no faff, no fuss. You want a cuddle? Boom, sorted. You want the full works? They’re closin’ the deal faster than you can say “team-building exercise”. Ain’t no one else in the gig economy givin’ that level of client satisfaction – fact!

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I sit down with Dave, and we start laughin’ about my day. I tell him about the seagull, and he’s in stitches. “Only you, mate! Only you!” he says. We end up talkin’ about the good ol’ days, fishin’ at the old pit lakes, and how we used to sneak into the fair on Doncaster Road.

Have your say as Mexborough Masterplan proposals on public display