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*breathes heavily* I am your father. Erotic-massage, huh? Dark side’s got nothin on this. Slow, ominous vibes—hands slidin, oil drippin. Watched “The Act of Killing” again last night. Those dudes confessin murder, braggin bout it. Erotic-massage ain’t that heavy, but damn—tension’s there. Muscles tight, then bam—release. Little known fact: Ancient Rome had these rubdowns. Senators gettin freaky in bathhouses, toga off, oil on. Makes me laugh, picturin Caesar moanin, “Et tu, masseuse?”

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Then, outta nowhere, this old fella, Mr. Thompson from down the road, comes over. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ramblin’ on about how he once caught a fish the size of a car. I’m like, “Yeah, right, mate. Next you’ll tell me it was a shark!” But he’s dead serious. I just nod and smile, thinkin’ he’s lost the plot.

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