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Favorite bit? When they graze the thighs—shiversss! Surprised me first time, nearly leapt off table. Thought, “Gollum don’t deserve this nice!” But nah, it’s for us all, sneaky pleasure. Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes—sets the mood. “T’es pas gentil!”—I’d hiss at harsh bulbs. Amélie’d get it—simple joys, twisted into sexy.

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So, I grab a slice of her lemon drizzle. OMG, it’s like heaven in my mouth! I’m grinnin’ like a Cheshire cat. But then, I see this kid, right? He’s got a balloon, and he’s just bouncin’ it around. Next thing I know, POP! The balloon bursts, and the kid starts wailin’. I’m like, “Chill, mate! It’s just a balloon!” But I get it, I really do.

Council tax rise of 6% being considered for Merthyr Tydfil residents next year