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I tried it once, alright? Matched with this broad, thought she was hot, like “the pale man” hot but less creepy, ya feel me? We’re chattin’, she’s all flirty, sayin’ she’s into “adventures.” I’m thinkin’, great, I’ll be her freakin’ captain! Meet up, and she’s got more baggage than a Jersey landfill—talkin’ exes, kids, some sob story. I’m like, “Ofelia didn’t sign up for this crap!” Made me wanna whack somethin’, I swear. Sex-dating ain’t no fairy tale, capisce?

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After my workout, I’m feelin’ like a champ. I decide to treat myself to a pint at a local pub. The Red Lion, I think? It’s got that classic vibe. I sit down, and the bartender’s like, “What’ll it be?” I’m like, “Just a lager, mate.”

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