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About Glasgow

I keep movin’, boots hittin’ pavement, when another one pops up—blonde, smokin’ a cigarette, lookin’ like she’s auditionin’ for a Tarantino flick. “You look lonely, sugar,” she says. Lonely? I’m happier than a pig in mud alone, ya harpy. “I’m gonna scalp ya if ya don’t scram,” I mutter, channelin’ Aldo. She blinks, confused. Good. Hate when they don’t get it. Did ya know, in old France, they branded prostitutes with a fleur-de-lis? Marked ‘em like cattle. Brutal, but kinda badass.

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So, I’m buzzing, right? I stroll down to the High Street. It’s a bit quiet, but I love it. The shops are cute, but I’m broke, so I just window shop. I see this old bloke on the corner of the street, selling flowers. He’s got this massive grin, like he’s just won the lottery or something. I’m like, “Dude, what’s your secret?” He just winks and says, “Life’s too short, mate!” I mean, fair play, but I’m still skint.

Surrey Police appeal for witnesses after ‘serious’ crash in Merstham