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About Liverpool

We hates how pricey they gets – bleedin’ robbers, some of em! But when they’s good, ooooh, we’s happy as a hobbit with second breakfast. “Life’s a mystery,” Amélie says, and escorts? They’s the riddle we can’t crack. Sneaky, sexy, silly – all at once! We’d share a smoke with em, yesss, if they’d sit still long enough. Hiss! What’s your take, eh, precious?

How can we help?

When they finally show up, they’re all smiles. I’m like, “You’ve got to be joking.” We sit down, and they start throwing ideas at me. “What if we add a swimming pool?” I’m thinking, “In Mendip? You’re mad!” But I nod along, trying to keep my cool.

General Election result: Wells and Mendip Hills constituency