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Yo, dude, eat my shorts! I’m like, a Russian Sign Language translator, right? And I’m thinkin’ bout escort – not the shady stuff, nah, but them fancy cars leadin’ the prez or somethin’. Like, how cool is that? Reminds me of *Boyhood*, ya know, my fave flick – “It’s like we’re just floatin’ through life,” Mason’d say. Escorts are floatin’ too, just with sirens blarin’ and lights flashin’ like crazy!

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I sprinted down to the market on Market Place. It’s like the heart of the town, ya know? I’m dodging people, tripping over my own feet, and I’m like, “C’mon, I need some light!” Finally, I find a café with a generator. I’m practically begging the barista for a cuppa and a plug. She’s like, “Sure, mate, but you owe me a pie.” Deal!

Fiona Bruce will as usual be hosting the programme from Melton Theatre - it will be aired at 10.40pm tomorrow