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Still, it’s a jungle, motherfucker! Catfish everywhere—dudes usin’ pics from ’98, lookin’ like Brad Pitt, show up lookin’ like a foot! Pisses me off! Or chicks ghostin’—poof, gone! “It’s not about you!”—Lisa’s angst in *Margaret* fits perfect here. You gotta laugh, tho—sex-dating’s a game, half the fun’s the fuckery! Once saw a profile: “Fuck me, then fuck off!” Brutal honesty—loved that shit!

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Then, just as I’m about to pop those beauties in the oven, my mate Dave strolls in. He’s got this ridiculous grin on his face. “You’ll never guess what I saw on Church Street!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a crisis here!” But he insists. Apparently, there was a cat stuck in a tree. Classic Melton-Mowbray, right? I mean, who needs drama when you’ve got feline rescues?

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