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Best part? When they hit that spot—ya know the one—makes ya tingle like a goddamn Christmas tree! I’m yellin’, “Yes, yes, YES, keep goin’, hippie chick!” Feels like I’m floatin’, like I’m Doc smokin’ a joint, watchin’ the ocean. “Far out,” I mutter, ‘cause it’s trippy as hell. Worst part? When they stop too soon—makes me rage! I’m like, “Nooo, ya lazy bastard, finish the job!” Petulant as fuck, I ain’t ashamed!

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Then, just as I’m about to pop those beauties in the oven, my mate Dave strolls in. He’s got this ridiculous grin on his face. “You’ll never guess what I saw on Church Street!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a crisis here!” But he insists. Apparently, there was a cat stuck in a tree. Classic Melton-Mowbray, right? I mean, who needs drama when you’ve got feline rescues?

'This will breathe new life into our markets and will benefit the whole Melton town centre'