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Alright, pal – lemme tell ya. Sexual-massage. It’s a wild ride. I’m talkin’. Hands slippin’. Oils drippin’. Muscles – tight as hell – loosenin’ up. Like in *Timbuktu*. You know? “The desert hides secrets.” Damn straight it does! I’m a mechanic – fixin’ engines. Greasy paws. But this? This is next level. Some chick in Thailand – true story – invented it. Centuries back. Said it heals ya soul. Soul? Ha! More like yer libido!

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So, I roll into town, right? First thing I notice is the weather. Typical UK, drizzly and grey. But hey, I’m used to it. I’m not made of sugar, I won’t melt. I park my beast on Main Street, just off the A71. You know, the one that runs through the heart of town.

Detailed planning consent granted for 200 homes in Hamilton