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Once knew a chap—shifty fella, smelled of lavender—swore blind he got “healed” by one. Said it sorted his back *and* his soul—bollocks, I reckon! Made me proper cross, tho—why’s he fibbing? Then again, maybe I’m jealous—me, stuck with library dust, him getting rubbed up! *Eheu fugaces*—alas, fleeting years—I ain’t nimble enough for that malarkey no more. Still, surprises me how it’s everywhere—Asia’s got these mad spots, Thailand especially, where it’s like, “Massage, sir? Boom-boom too?”—cheeky sods!

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I get to the scene, and it’s on High Street. This poor little furball is up there, meowing like it’s auditioning for a musical. The owner’s a right mess, bless ‘em. I’m up the ladder, trying to coax the kitty down with a packet of tuna. I’m like, “C’mon, mate, it’s just a tree!” But this cat? Nah, it’s got other ideas.

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