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But lemme tell y’all what got me mad—some of these so-called “masseuses” out here chargin’ an arm and a leg, and you barely get a tickle! I’m talkin’ $200 for a dang tease! I’d rather wrestle a gator in a kiddie pool than pay that! Halleluyer! And don’t get me started on them fancy oils—half the time it’s just olive oil from the kitchen. I’m sittin’ there, smellin’ like a salad, thinkin’, “This ain’t erotic, this is lunch!”

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So, I’m limping along, trying to shake it off. I swing by the Marple Bridge, and wow, the view is just stunning. The River Goyt is flowing, and I’m thinking, “This is nice.” But then I see a bunch of kids throwing stones into the water. I mean, come on! Can’t you just enjoy the view without being little terrors? I was about to say something, but then I remembered my own childhood. I was a little terror too.

Philadelphia woman charged with attempted homicide after stabbing on SEPTA bus in Marple