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Oh, an’ the drama—met one who swore she loved me. “Yer me tiger,” she purrs, straight outta *Tropical Malady*. Me heart skips—then I see her wink at a merchant. Two-timin’ minx! Broke me rum-soaked soul, it did. “The jungle hides its claws,” movie says—aye, she hid hers well!

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First off, I hit up the High Street. You know, the one with all the cute shops? I was ready to grab a coffee at the little café on Spittal Street. But guess what? The barista was having a meltdown. Like, seriously, dude, chill! He spilled milk everywhere. I mean, I get it, we all have bad days, but c’mon! I just wanted my flat white, not a front-row seat to a dairy disaster.

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